5 Character of Good Husband in Islam (part 1)

WANTED!! Good & Pious Husband

Many of unmarried women feel obligated to be good, partly due to the desire to get a good and pious husband also, based on the core clause contained in the Quran Surah An-Nur, verse 26.

الخبيثات للخبيثين والخبيثون للخبيثات والطيبات للطيبين والطيبون للطيبات

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.‎ (24:26)

This is not the primary motivation for that people but in some extent affect the woman who has a good heart. From the other hand, to be a good and pious is obligation and it’s a form of virtues itself.

But what about men? Mostly they are devoted to their pious deeds that must be implemented and more focused and directed to the achievement that must be achieved in terms of worldly, or the afterlife. Thus, this will create the man who are pious but have a dry taste, less or unable to show affection. Their slogan is "Honey, we intend to save you from Hell. 'Whereas at the same time, they themselves do not understand how love is defined by women. They also do not understand how their rescue effort should be understood and accepted willingly and out of love.

I'm not talking about the relationship of men and women outside the context of the household, because the unpermitted relationship (unmarried), there is a big risk to the will of lust and deception tricked by the devil (syaithan).

My bottom line is, what are the ideal characteristics that should be present in a husband, so he earned the title of "pious man".

This also important for all the young men who are ready to get married and searching for a woman, reviewing and studying this matter, thus balancing out how good they are with the good of the women whom they will be selected.

In addition to the faithful and devoted is certainly a major criterion for a pious men, there are some other things that must be considered, with a reflection to the morality of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh towards his wives.

First, ATTENTION

Husband who has attention to his wife is a sensitive husband, quickly aware of the wife’s need, from various angles. Whether in terms of material, mental or spiritual needs. He understands the mood, from her expression, speech, gaze, and perhaps also from house condition in the first minute he stepped back from work. Maybe he did not know what is actually true or what exactly is lacking, but the attitude and attention will make his wife feel appreciated and recognized in the life of the husband.

Maybe he cannot meet what is required but at least he has eased the emotional burden of his wife. Husband who is sensitive will rapidly smells the scent of grief or joy, and will try to ease it, simply to explore the life of a wife.

Among the indications of attention are; asking simple how are you, not insisting a direct answer from wife, taken care of themselves and likes to invite wife to talk. Although it’s only briefly, this sensitivity is a good impression in the heart of the wife.

Second, PATIENT

Women as well as men, are born with different character, depending on culture, knowledge and life backgrounds. Normal and regular human being, there are many characters, there is good inside and out, bad on the outside but good from the inside, some are good on the outside and kind of ugly on the inside, and there is also bad inside and out.

This is where the patience of a husband would be tested. Patient towards a bad attitude and beside that husband must have unlimited patience to wife. A real life example has been shown very wisely by the second caliph (prophet successor), Umar al-Khattab r.a.

Narrated that there was a man comes to 'Umar ibn Khattab with intentions to sue his wife's bad behavior. He was standing in front of Umar's house waiting for his exit. Accidentally he heard Umar's wife was talking bad to Umar while Umar said nothing. So the man returned and said: "If things like that with the Commander of the Believer, what about me." Soon Umar came out to see him back again, then Umar said to the man: "Is there anything I can do?" The man answer: "O Commander of the Believer, I come to complain about my wife's bad behavior that hurts my heart, "Umar said:" O my brother, I need my wife bad talk because that is my wife’s rights that I must fulfill. My wife already cook the food, make bread for me, wash my clothes, and nursing my son. All of which  are not my duty. My heart at ease if I stay away from any form of haraam (unpermitted), so I am silent as a guarantee. "

That was the wise attitude of Umar ibn Khattab. He was very understanding on the rights of a wife, and therefore he chose to be patient. Umar's attitude was not a form of weakness, he was grateful to get such a wife. Umar knew, his wife's anger only temporarily, perhaps because his wife's psychological exhaustion due to hard work and taking cares of her husband and children.

I've read this story as a teenager and I do not know the validity of this story. It's just. it fascinated me with patience and efforts to hear a husband and concurrently Commander of the believer and society. And I believe all women are also admire this story, I mean, you'll amazed by the level of patience.

Prophet Muhammad pbuh was also very patient towards his wives, especially in this case is Aisha r.a. Why I share the story here? Because aisha was going through her teen life with the Prophet pbuh and her attitude that is not far from the attitude of modern women.

Recorded in the sirah Aisha attitude towards her husband (prophet pbuh) that when viewed at first glance would be considered impolite.

Aisha did not take for granted everything that prophet pbuh said to her. For example, when she was jealous and envious, Prophet responds to her by saying, "Apparently syaithan (devil) have come unto you." Aisha ask back to the prophet, "Is there syaithan with me?". Prophet replied, "No one except with them there is syaithan." Aisha asked again, "With you, too?" And the Prophet said, "Yes, it's just that God helped me to beat it so I survived." [Hadith narrated by Muslim and Nasa'i].

Aisha is very jealous and sometimes very emotional. Remember when the Prophet received fish to be cook from Safia (known to be a good chef), what Aisha has done? She broke the Safia’s vessel, although later regretted her actions.

When she asked the Prophet what she should do to atone for his mistake, he answered, "The vessel should be replaced with the same vessel, the food should be replaced with the same food." [Hadith narrated by Abu Daud and An-Nasa'i].

Aisha also has the ability to make a sharp comment. He commented on Safia as 'Jewish woman in the middle of the women who became prisoners'. It should be remembered, Aisha’s words come from the nature of her youth with a very big sense of love and jealousy and the attitude do not exceed the limit.

Ah, as if I just record only the 'evil' of Aisha, but her goodness and benevolence was unparalleled. Because she gained instruction directly from the Prophet pbuh who is also her husband. My point is, behold, O man, O husband, exemplary patience was shown by your Prophet pbuh. With that patient, Aisha’s mature and critical attitude grew and eventually she becomes one of the mufti (Islamic scholar & teacher) after the death of the Prophet pbuh. She is not confined by "veto power" of the husband.

In other words, the good of a husband will be tested when he was confronted with a situation that demands patience. " Even if someone hurts their close people, surely it is not intentional. This is precisely what happened to the husband and wife.

Continued to part 2

Taken from hidayatullah.com (author: Paridah Abas), translated & edited by Aria.

Dr. Jerald F. Dirks Conversion Story

Dr. Dirks is a former minister (deacon) of the United Methodist Church. He holds a Master's degree in Divinity from Harvard University and a Doctorate in Psychology from the University of Denver. Author of "The Cross and the Crescent: An Interfaith Dialogue between Christianity and Islam"(2001), and "Abraham: The Friend of God" (2002). He has published over 60 articles in the field of clinical psychology, and over 150 articles on Arabian horses.

Dr. Jerald F. Dirks has an interesting conversion story. His struggle to accepts Islam as a religion, way of life and also as an identity, I think it can be a great lesson to someone who accepts Islam as the Truth but afraid to become a Muslim because pressure from the family or society.

He realized that there has to be sacrifice from him in order to become a Muslim, but as he says that we will find these sacrifices a very cheap coin to pay for the “goods” you are purchasing.

So, here is his conversion story to Islam. 

Childhood and Education

From his childhood story we know that he and his family had a great emotional experience and intensive participation in church activities. So I think because of that reasons and his big enthusiasm towards Sunday school and other church activities eventually later take him to a personal calling to focus on the ministry.  

His good preaching skill is able to draw wide attention and improve the church attendance. His good achievement from his education at Harvard College made him even a better preacher. Here are his own words from this chapter.

“One of my earliest childhood memories is of hearing the church bell toll for Sunday morning worship in the small, rural town in which I was raised. The Methodist Church was an old, wooden structure with a bell tower, two children’s Sunday School classrooms cubbyholed behind folding, wooden doors to separate it from the sanctuary, and a choir loft that housed the Sunday school classrooms for the older children. It stood less than two blocks from my home. As the bell rang, we would come together as a family, and make our weekly pilgrimage to the church.”

“In addition, there was a two-week community Bible school every June, and I was a regular attendee through my eighth grade year in school. However, Sunday morning worship and Sunday school were weekly events, and I strove to keep extending my collection of perfect attendance pins and of awards for memorizing Bible verses.”

“My preaching began to draw community-wide attention, and before long I was occasionally filling pulpits at other churches, at a nursing home, and at various church-affiliated youth and ladies groups, where I typically set attendance records.”

“That spring, Harvard named me a Hollis Scholar, signifying that I was one of the top pre-theology students in the college.”

“Following graduation from Harvard Divinity School, I spent the summer as the minister of two United Methodist churches in rural Kansas, where attendance soared to heights not seen in those churches for several years.”

Struggle for Personal Integrity

There are two points of his personal integrity struggle. First is that he was a Christian and an ordained minister but he has doubts or discomforts on Christianity basic theology. And the second is his concerned about the loss of religiousness in American society at large. Here are his own words from this chapter.

“There is some irony in the fact that the supposedly best, brightest, and most idealistic of ministers-to-be are selected for the very best of seminary education, e.g. that offered at that time at the Harvard Divinity School. The irony is that, given such an education, the seminarian is exposed to as much of the actual historical truth as is known about: 1) the formation of the early, “mainstream” church, and how it was shaped by geopolitical considerations; 2) the “original” reading of various Biblical texts, many of which are in sharp contrast to what most Christians read when they pick up their Bible, although gradually some of this information is being incorporated into newer and better translations; 3) the evolution of such concepts as a triune godhead and the “sonship” of Jesus, peace be upon him; 4) the non-religious considerations that underlie many Christian creeds and doctrines; 5) the existence of those early churches and Christian movements which never accepted the concept of a triune godhead, and which never accepted the concept of the divinity of Jesus, peace be upon him; and 6) etc. (Some of these fruits of my seminary education are recounted in more detail in my recent book, The Cross and the Crescent: An Interfaith Dialogue between Christianity and Islam, Amana Publications, 2001.)”

“As the years passed by, I became increasingly concerned about the loss of religiousness in American society at large. Religiousness is a living, breathing spirituality and morality within individuals, and should not be confused with religiosity, which is concerned with the rites, rituals, and formalized creeds of some organized entity, e.g. the church. American culture increasingly appeared to have lost its moral and religious compass. Two out of every three marriages ended in divorce; violence was becoming an increasingly inherent part of our schools and our roads; self-responsibility was on the wane; self-discipline was being submerged by a “if it feels good, do it” morality; various Christian leaders and institutions were being swamped by sexual and financial scandals; and emotions justified behavior, however odious it might be. American culture was becoming a morally bankrupt institution, and I was feeling quite alone in my personal religious vigil.”

Weaving Different Threads into a Single Strand

In time he has deeper exposures and understanding about Islam and Muslims. His new relation with his Muslim friends over time brought him to a better understanding about Islam and encourages him to ‘re-learn’ about Islam. Here are his own words from this chapter.

"My personal values and sense of morality were much more in keeping with my Muslim friends than with the "Christian" society around me. ... my nostalgic yearning for the type of community in which I had been raised was finding gratification in the Muslim community. American society might be morally bankrupt, but that did not appear to be the case for that part of the Muslim community with which I had had contact. Marriages were stable, spouses were committed to each other, and honesty, integrity, self-responsibility, and family values were emphasized. My wife and I had attempted to live our lives that same way, but for several years I had felt that we were doing so in the context of a moral vacuum. The Muslim community appeared to be different."

“While I never spoke to my Muslim friends about those books, my wife and I had numerous conversations about what I was reading. By the last week of December of 1992, I was forced to admit to myself, that I could find no area of substantial disagreement between my own religious beliefs and the general tenets of Islam. While I was ready to acknowledge that Muhammad, peace be upon him, was a prophet of (one who spoke for or under the inspiration of) God, and while I had absolutely no difficulty affirming that there was no god besides God/Allah, glorified and exalted is He, I was still hesitating to make any decision. I could readily admit to myself that I had far more in common with Islamic beliefs as I then understood them, than I did with the traditional Christianity of the organized church. I knew only too well that I could easily confirm from my seminary training and education most of what the Qur’an had to say about Christianity, the Bible, and Jesus, peace be upon him. Nonetheless, I hesitated. Further, I rationalized my hesitation by maintaining to myself that I really didn’t know the nitty-gritty details of Islam, and that my areas of agreement were confined to general concepts. As such, I continued to read, and then to re-read.”

The Comfort of the Old and Familiar Identity

In this phase actually he already believes the basic creed of Islam but he still has difficulties to let go his Christian identity. Here are his own words from this chapter.

“Later, when Iman came with my check, I attempted a round-about apology by saying: “I’m afraid I was a little abrupt in answering your question before. If you were asking me whether I believe that there is only one God, then my answer is yes. If you were asking me whether I believe that Muhammad was one of the prophets of that one God, then my answer is yes.” She very nicely and very supportively said: “That’s okay; it takes some people a little longer than others.”

Perhaps, the readers of this will be kind enough to note the psychological games I was playing with myself without chuckling too hard at my mental gymnastics and behavior. I well knew that in my own way, using my own words, I had just said the Shahadah, the Islamic testimonial of faith, i.e. “I testify that there is no god but Allah, and I testify that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah”. However, having said that, and having recognized what I said, I could still cling to my old and familiar label of religious identity.”

Playing Intellectual Word Games

In the month of holy Ramadan in 1933, Praise be to Allah (Alhamdulillah) in his quite interesting story he and his wife accept Islam and became a Muslim. Here are his own words from this chapter.

“It was now late in our Middle Eastern trip. An elderly friend who spoke no English and I were walking down a winding, little road, somewhere in one of the economically disadvantaged areas of greater ‘Amman, Jordan. As we walked, an elderly man approached us from the opposite direction, said, “Salam ‘Alaykum”, i.e., “peace be upon you”, and offered to shake hands. We were the only three people there. I didn’t speak Arabic, and neither my friend nor the stranger spoke English. Looking at me, the stranger asked, “Muslim?”

At that precise moment in time, I was fully and completely trapped. There were no intellectual word games to be played, because I could only communicate in English, and they could only communicate in Arabic. There was no translator present to bail me out of this situation, and to allow me to hide behind my carefully prepared English monologue. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t understand the question, because it was all too obvious that I had. My choices were suddenly, unpredictably, and inexplicably reduced to just two: I could say “N’am”, i.e., “yes”; or I could say “La”, i.e., “no”. The choice was mine, and I had no other. I had to choose, and I had to choose now; it was just that simple. Praise be to Allah, I answered, “N’am”.”

“With saying that one word, all the intellectual word games were now behind me. With the intellectual word games behind me, the psychological games regarding my religious identity were also behind me. I wasn’t some strange, atypical Christian. I was a Muslim. Praise be to Allah, my wife of 33 years also became a Muslim about that same time.”

Paying A Small Price for A Good Return

In this chapter he emphasizes that a new Muslim will find a trial and chalenges from society but as he says that we will find these sacrifices is a very cheap coin to pay for the “goods” you are purchasing. Here are his own words from this chapter.

"For those contemplating the acceptance of Islam and the surrendering of oneself to Allah—glorified and exalted is He, there may well be sacrifices along the way. Many of these sacrifices are easily predicted, while others may be rather surprising and unexpected. There is no denying the existence of these sacrifices, and I don’t intend to sugar coat that pill for you. Nonetheless, don’t be overly troubled by these sacrifices. In the final analysis, these sacrifices are less important than you presently think. Allah willing, you will find these sacrifices a very cheap coin to pay for the “goods” you are purchasing."

For complete story visit http://www.welcome-back.org/profile/dirks6.shtml
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Related article : "Yvonne Ridley, a British Journalist Amazing Conversion Story"

De Lacy O'Leary on Muhammad p.b.u.h

De Lacy O'Leary

De Lacy O'Leary (* 1872 , † 1957 ) was a British clergyman, Arabist and semitist .

Classics of Arabic is his representation of Arabia before Muhammad and his Short History of the Fatimids - Caliphate .

Semitist: Person who does semitic studies. The Semitic is the field of comparative linguistics that deals with the Semitic languages ​​, a branch of the Afro-Asiatic languages ​​are employed.

Arabist: The Arabic (Arabic Philology ) is the science of the Arabic language and Arabic literature . The Arabic is part of Oriental and work closely with the Islamic studies connected.

The linguistic part deals with the various stages of the Arabic language as ancient Arabic , Classical High Arabic , Middle Arabic , Modern Standard Arabic and its dialects .

As Arabic Literature explores the Arabic poetry and prose literature of the pre-Islamic times to the present and the religious, philosophical, historical and geographical literature of the Islamic culture and the Jewish and Christian literature in Arabic.

Commentary on Muhammad p.b.u.h

De Lacy O'Leary in 'Islam at the Crossroads,' London, 1923.

History makes it clear, however, that the legend of fanatical Muslims sweeping through the world and forcing Islam at the point of sword upon conquered races is one of the most fantastically absurd myths that historians have ever repeated.

So, I think his commentary shows us that not just the true image of Islam & Muhammad p.b.u.h is distorted but this action is repeated throughout history. 

A. S. Tritton on Muhammad p.b.u.h

Arthur Stanley Tritton

There’s nothing much to tell from me about him. Because when we google him, there’s only few information regarding to his story and biography. Nonetheless, here I’ll give you his short biodata from wikipedia and one of his commentaries about Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h.

Arthur Stanley Tritton, D. Litt. (February 25, 1881 – November 8, 1973) was a British historian and scholar of Islam. He was appointed Professor of Arabic at the School of Oriental and African Studies, University of London ^[1] in 1938, and also spent some time teaching at Aligarh University. ^[2] He published his work as A.S.Tritton.

Commentary on Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h

A. S. Tritton in 'Islam,' 1951

The picture of the Muslim soldier advancing with a sword in one hand and the Qur'an in the other is quite false.

Almost similar to Mahatma Gandhi’s commentary on the Prophet, his commentary also shows that the western stereotype on Islam, Muslim and Muhammad p.b.u.h are quite false.

Thomas Carlyle on Muhammad p.b.u.h

Thomas Carlyle profile taken from wikipedia:

Thomas Carlyle (4 December 1795 – 5 February 1881) was a Scottish satirical writer, essayist, historian and teacher during the Victorian era.^[1] He called economics "the dismal science", wrote articles for the Edinburgh Encyclopedia, and became a controversial social commentator.^[1]

Coming from a strict Calvinist family, Carlyle was expected to become a preacher by his parents, but while at the University of Edinburgh, he lost his Christian faith. Calvinist values, however, remained with him throughout his life. This combination, of a religious temperament with loss of faith in traditional Christianity, made Carlyle's work appealing to many Victorians who were grappling with scientific and political changes that threatened the traditional social order.

His views & commentary on Muhammad p.b.u.h:

Carlyle was one of the very few philosophers who witnessed the industrial revolution but still kept a transcendental non-materialistic view of the world. The book included people ranging from the field of Religion through to literature and politics. He included people as coordinates and accorded Muhammad a special place in the book under the chapter title "Hero as a Prophet". In his work, Carlyle declared his admiration with a passionate championship of Muhammad as a Hegelian agent of reform, insisting on his sincerity and commenting 'how one man single-handedly, could weld warring tribes and wandering Bedouins into a most powerful and civilized nation in less than two decades.'

Thomas Carlyle in 'Heroes and Hero Worship and the Heroic in History,' 1840

"The lies (Western slander) which well-meaning zeal has heaped round this man (Muhammad) are disgraceful to ourselves only."

"A silent great soul, one of that who cannot but be earnest. He was to kindle the world, the world’s Maker had ordered so."